Show me your online community!

…cool kids club, mean girlies, and the hypocrisy. An angry one, this rant.

*image taken from Canva.

Surprise surprise, folks! I was planning to share this on Tuesday, but I’m in a crappy Monday mood, so you’ll suffer with me TODAY!

My brain’s been chewing on this over and over again for a couple of weeks already. Enough! Let’s swallow the bitter morsel, get this turd out, flush, and move on.

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I’ve been seeing this a lot lately, “community this” and “community that”. A friendly community. Let’s build a community. But… what is an online community? Is there such a thing? If so, does it really function like a friendly microcosm, or do we just tolerate each other for the sake of peaceful co-existence?

Our online interaction is highly illusive. A person might interact with you and then disappear for months without an explanation. Groups form, then dissolve. Sure, an online community is a group of people with something in common, in this case, writing. And that’s pretty much it. What else do we have? Should there be something else? I’ve got the impression people expect something more from this “community”. A network of support? A feeling of a friendly neighbourhood?

Yes, Substack is not perfect but it’s a good ‘place’. Yet, you cannot change human nature. Let’s not pretend it’s any different among intellectuals. Substack, be it non-fiction, or fiction community has a dark side no one wants to talk about. My observations are the friendly networking only happens in close circles. Friends help friends. The compliant and politically correct ones get elevated while the disagreeable and outspoken ones get shoved aside and excluded. Each political group sticks with like-minded ones. Yes, even when it comes to fiction. There are a couple of strong-willed people who read fiction no matter what political ideology the writer happens to agree with. It takes guts and common sense to pull that off. Most can’t get over themselves when it comes to separating the art from the artist. A sad sight. I’m no better but I’m trying to improve.

There are clubs. Cool kid’s clubs, if you will. There are the ‘popular kids’ and their adoring fangirls and fanboys. And this isn’t even funny anymore. The more time I spend hangin’ ‘round Notes, the less I like what I see. This is not a friendly community. It’s a high school cafeteria, a pathetic cliché scene from a teenage movie. And we can pretend it’s all nice and fuzzy, cosy, and friendly but it’s not. Wishful thinking isn’t reality, as much as we liked it to be. Aaaah, you might say, Kathrine, but we can make it better! You can uplift those around you, rather than growl from your fortress of solitude!

Sure, yeah, okay! I do. Somehow people see my growling and bitching, but they don’t see me restacking or commenting, or being nice. Oh, wait! They muted me. That’s why they don’t see. What kind of a friendly community chooses not to see its members? Where’s the inclusion? Where’s diversity? Where’s the equity for each and every voice to be heard?! The same people who shunned me for being racist, bitchy and homophobic, the same who pose on Substack as the friendly community builders, are the same people who muted me.

Writers are known to be introverts. That’s why many of us rather write than socialise. Yet, one of the ‘how to succeed on Substack’ advice I’ve seen appearing repeatedly is socialize, communicate, comment, build a community. Quite a paradox, innit?

I write because quite frankly, I’m socially awkward. If I can avoid being around people, I will. I’ve always been this way. As a kid, I wasn’t ashamed of it. I was kinda proud of being weird (go little Kathrine! You rocked!). That drew other weirdos to me, and we were quite a jolly bunch of misfits. After changing schools, teen years were a drag. I was just a socially awkward weirdo, a nerd, and apart from two loyal friends, I was ignored, or in some cases, laughed at behind my back. By whom? The popular kids, of course! The mean girls.

For a while, Substack was fun. Then it became like High School. At least for me. Maybe it’s my own fault. Self-sabotage and alienating the popular kids apparently is my jam. But do I feel like a loser? Should I? I don’t. I came to Substack to find an answer to a question: is my writing readable at all? I got my answer, and… I got much more than I expected - a couple of online friends, and good acquaintances. That’s more than I could ever wish for. So, I’m asking you - why did you come to Substack? To share your writing or to participate in a popularity contest? To share the most beautiful words your soul can produce or to be a part of some theoretical online community? Did you come to share your thoughts freely or to conform with the opinion of others? I know my answers.

But Kathrine, you old witch! You might say, why do you keep coming to Notes if you hate it so much there? You’re right! I am spending less and less time on Notes because of this High School vibe I feel there. I don’t play for the algorithm. I say stuff only if I have something to say. I don’t write for clicks or likes. I want to be honest. And honestly? I’m tired from all the hypocrisy.

I see you, cool kids club, even if you choose not to see me. You, pseudo intellectuals spewing graphomanic fits onto Substack and calling it literary fiction. I see you, mean girls, you think so many boys would be subscribing and commenting if you didn’t have that cute pic in the profile?! Because your writing is mediocre. Oh, no… no no no. Accusing the readers for not being smart enough for your ‘art’ doesn’t work. A good piece of art is layered, it works for both academics and peasants, like me. Yours is not the case. If the only thing you can write about is your pathetic sex life, well… not very imaginative, are we?!

So, you see? I don’t believe in a friendly online community. There is none. I’ve seen backstabbing, I’ve seen aggressiveness, I’ve seen rudeness, I’ve seen arrogance… pretending none of it exists, is hypocrisy. We’re here to share our writing, and to read. Maybe if we’re lucky, we find some kindness, maybe we even make some friends. But in the end, it’s about writing, not building some illusion called ‘a friendly online community’.