The confession of a hate-reader

I've been a bad girl. I’m not sorry.

*image taken from Canva.

You know how I said I’m taking a break? Yeah? Relaxing, enjoying myself, all that stuff people normally do? Apparently, I’m bad at relaxing. My brain relaxes by articulating thoughts into words, and - hey, I might as well write them down, right? It got so bad, I began to rant to myself. Out loud.

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We all have our bad habits. Even when it comes to reading. Some never use bookmarks, instead they fold the corners of pages (savages!). Some leave notes on page edges, not only with a pencil, but with a pen! (the atrocity!). Some highlight the lines with markers (hideous!). Some start by reading the ending of the book (ugh, that hurts…). Some skim over nature descriptions (excusez-moi, Monsieur Proust!). Some DNF* after the first pages. And then there’s the ones that persist, push through, go on reading out of sheer spite. I must confess. I have done all of this. BUT I grew as a reader and left behind my dark readerly habits. All but one…

Hi, everybody! My name is Kathrine, and I’m a hate-reader.

What’s “hate-reading”, preciousssss? You might ask, oh sweet summer child, you! It’s when you read something you most certainly might not like. Maybe you dislike the genre, or the tense, or the author, or other specifics. Why waste time, you ask? Kathrine, why not read something you most certainly would like? Well, when you read something new, you never know if it might turn into hate-reading, right? Of course, I could (and probably should!) DNF in such cases, but can I form a coherent opinion if I don’t read the whole story? Maybe the end is where all the nonsensical threads of the story come together in a miraculous tapestry of pure genius…Oh, I’d totally applaud the author if such were the case. ( Pssst, usually, it’s not!).

Another reason for hate-reading is curiosity. Especially if the author is praised by others. In many cases, I’m left with the bitter taste of disappointment and a lot of questions - the story is lacking, why so many like it? Maybe there’s something wrong with me? Maybe it’s just this story. So, I give the author another chance, and read more, even though I am sceptical. That’s hate-reading.

If I dislike their public persona, but still read the stories, it’s also hate-reading. Call it a way of practising separating the art from the artist. I totally give the story a like, if I like it, even if I find the author unlikable.

Now we move on to the darkest parts of Kathrine’s hate-reading reasons. Yes, it’s as petty as it gets. I’m sorry to admit it, but one of the reasons is boosting my own confidence. Reading the flawed writing of others, especially in my genres, give a delicious sense of superiority. It’s also comforting to know that people are imperfect, just like me. Sometimes their writing sucks, just like mine. I know, I know, it’s wrong. My guilty pleasure. Along with reading the one- and two-star reviews of popular works of fiction. Dirty little joys of Kathrine… So, you see, the problem lay within me. Like most bad habits, hate-reading is rooted in the lack of self-confidence.

There are also some super weird reasons for hate-reading. Like, there was an author I read as a sort of research for a story of my own. I wrote a story about a specific type of a writer, and I studied their writing style. I hated their writing whole-heartedly, but I got tons of material to work with. No, I didn’t plagiarize or anything, I just tried to imitate their way of thinking/writing in the story about a writer. So, be careful! You never know when somebody might write you into a story!

Why am I even writing about this? Why would anybody care about my weird reasons for reading? Maybe because it illustrates how wildly perverted the readers might be. We have no idea who reads our stuff, and why. Also, let me fill you in on a secret; a month or so ago I was blocked by a friendly substacker for no obvious reason. Might seem like a minor thing. But it kept bugging my brain, until after (don’t ask how!) a small research, I think I found out the reason. Not my political or ideological views, not even my online whining and bitching, oh no! It was my hate-reading! The author saw I was reading their work once in a while, but I never liked or restacked, and they blocked me! This reason actually says more about the author’s weirdness (or vanity?) than my hate-reading habits. (I honestly didn’t like the stories, because I felt there was always something missing. Every time the story reached its climax, it just fell flat. You know that feeling when you sit reading, scratching your head and thinking – what? Why? What happened? I don’t get it! That makes me very VERY angry. I would gladly suggest the author give the stories more time to simmer in their head.**)

People are weird, and maybe I’m not the worst of them all. I usually drop the hate-reading after I’ve felt disappointed by the author’s work repeatedly. At one point it’s not even fun anymore, it’s sad. I move on.

BUT, in my defence, if I hate-read the story and happen to like it, I wouldn’t keep it to myself. I totally smash that like button, I restack. I might be a fool, but I’m an honest fool. And I will get rid of this time-wasting, totally-pointless, petty little joy of hate-reading, just like I got rid of folding the corners of book pages, and other bad reading habits.

*DNF - Did Not Finish

**a quick update. I was too harsh in my wording, though my opinion remains the same. The stories need more clarity when it comes to payoff. And since the author demands not to talk behind her back, I’ll give her what she wants - the author is Hanna Delaney.

P.s. One thing I must note though: the lack of constructive critique on Substack. In most cases comments containing even very mild critique are perceived as offensive. The unwritten good tone of the fictionstack demands either sugar-coated praise, gratitude or nothing at all, but no critique. Hm… It’s both good and bad. Good, because in many cases authors just want to share their work, not to receive unsolicited criticism. Bad, because authors don’t get an honest and objective feedback.