The Tears of a Tulip (2)

Part Two. A romantic contemporary story, slightly leaning into magic realism. No spice in this part.

You can read part 1 in the link below…

The Tears of a Tulip

“He’s a psychopath! I’m afraid of him, Suzanne,” Erin said, sitting in her boss’ office. Suzanne wanted to know everything, yet she didn’t really listen.

“No, no, no, no! He’s a genius. Geniuses are a bit wacky. He’s seeing you tomorrow, we’re so close! I can just feel it! And since he hasn’t been violent or anything….”

“No.”

“See? He probably likes you and just can’t handle it. It’s all consensual, it’s all good! You said he read?”

“Kinda…”

“It’s a good sign. He’s getting there. Another issue - Dobson wants him to take part in the AWP. He ignored the conference for 3 years, but Dobson’s tired of waiting. Mention it to the guy, you know, subtly,” Suzanne winked. Erin braced herself not to roll her eyes. Dustin was barely willing to read, he wasn’t writing and to ask him for more…

The murmuring whispers of her colleagues with occasional bursts of laughter haunted Erin’s working hours. 

The next day was the same, Erin almost felt happy to be leaving the office. And off to Dustin she went again.

Two coffees and a couple of books; Erin was pondering whether to ask Suzanne for a raise; books were darn expensive, and Suzanne made her wear a mini dress. Well, she couldn’t actually “make” her, but Suzanne did give her a hint she should wear something more “feminine” than her usual blouse and jeans.

Erin took a deep breath and entered the apartment.

“Hello, Dustin.”

He was sitting in silence by the piano. Erin noticed the room looked a bit tidier and Dustin’s hair and beard were a lot shorter.

“You should go to a hairdresser and a barber. If you want to keep the beard.”

“You think I should?” He said, playing a quiet melody on the piano.

“Yes, it might suite you. If properly trimmed,” she made herself comfortable on the sofa and placed the coffees and the books on the coffee table. Dustin had obviously released it from the monstrous pile of rubbish sitting proudly on it yesterday. Erin finally paid attention to the melody.

“But it’s…” she realized it was her and Adam’s song. Well, not really a song. This melody was on in the coffee shop when the two met. Her dark eyes connected with Adam’s blue ones when the waitress had mixed up their orders. It was an Eric Satie’s piano piece. Erin hadn’t heard it in a while.

“Why are you playing that?”

“What? Satie? Just popped into my head. Everybody knows it,” Dustin shrugged.

Erin met Adam a couple of years ago. Four to be precise. Erin was about to say something, but she stopped, because Dustin got up and walked to her. She tried to pull her skirt lower, but it still only barely covered her thighs when sitting. Erin took one of the books and pretended to skim through it, just to cover her thighs with it.

He drank the coffee and flipped through books.

“May I?” Of course, he just happened to want the book from her lap. Erin gave it with an awkward smile. He didn’t seem to notice the modest length of her dress.

“Tell your boss I’m still not interested,” Dustin said with his eyes in the book.

“But writing was a big part of your li…”

“I’m not interested in having sex with you. That is what your boss is hoping for, right?” He darted his eyes at Erin, who sat with her mouth ajar. She should actively object, maybe even act offended, yet she did not.

“I’m twice your age. I’m still mourning the loss of my wife. Neither of us are attracted to each other. As simple as that,” Dustin’s hazel eyes dug deep into Erin’s dark ones.

“No, Dustin, it’s not even like that, Suzanne would never…”

“You’re the worst liar I’ve ever met!” He laughed, “you don’t have to defend any of those people. I know what they’re like. Oh, you thought it wasn’t about money or sex? Human nature doesn’t change, Erin.”

Both sat in silence for quite a while, drinking coffee and flipping through books. The walls in Dustin’s living room were covered in bookshelves. Erin pondered has he really not read any of them these three years? What exactly was he up to all this time? Erin’s phone buzzed. She didn’t dare to look.

“Go ahead,” Dustin urged her.

“Oh, no no… it’s probably Suzanne. She wanted me to…” Erin took a deep breath, “ask if you would take part in the AWP conference…”

“No!” he snapped.

“Why not?” Strangely, her childish question didn’t infuriate Dustin. He stared at Erin squinting his eyes and thinking.

“You know what I’ve been doing these three years? I was thinking. And I’ve come to understand a couple of things. I don’t want this anymore. You know what these events are like? The room is full of posers. Writing is an accessory to them. They have no idea what it really is! Or what it means. You know what they’re like?! 5am-candle-burning-tea-drinking-going-gentle-on-yourself-writers-MY-ASS! That’s the living cliché of a modern writer. If they do it in a soft, pastel coloured rough-knitted cashmere cardigan, I’d piss myself laughing.”

“You have the crazy eyes again,” Erin thought out loud.

“Are you afraid of me?”

“Yes… no…” Erin felt there was no point in lying. Dustin’s hazel eyes could see straight through her, “yes, very much.”

Dustin got up and walked to the uncovered window.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Don’t apologize. I haven’t been kind to you. And… I might need that barber. Maybe you should leave now.”

As usual, Dustin ended their short meeting abruptly.

“I’m sorry,” Erin apologized again.

“Don’t feel guilty about your fears. It’s not like you can just switch off your feelings, right? Though sometimes the world demands us to do it…”

Erin stood looking at him, he paid her no attention. He said nothing and Erin though - that was it. The end of the road. Failure, for sure.

“Erin?” His voice reached her just as she was closing the door behind her, “would you… please, bring me coffee tomorrow? No books. I’ll read the ones you brought. And… thank you.”

She smiled to herself. The funny man. He obviously loathed her company, still three years of solitude was a long time.

She returned to the office, just to be interrogated by Suzanne and ridiculed by her colleagues behind her back.

“I think he’s just using me to get good coffee every day,” Erin spoke to Judy loudly, for the whole office to hear.

“Coffee and a bit of sugar, right?!” Judy replied and winked. Erin heard laughter in the background. Judy wasn’t much of a helper.

She didn’t dare to call the atmosphere in the office “toxic”, though it had become unpleasant. Erin needed the job. Her and Adam’s apartment was expensive to rent.

Erin got home late. She walked into the silence of the dark apartment. Shouldn’t Adam be home already? Usually, she was greeted by crazy loud saxophone solos of Adam rehearsing. His experimental punk rock/jazz band was getting ready for a tour around the country. He would be away for months and months, and Erin should be devastated, yet she was not. Silence soothed her ears. A pleasant change. Adam was loud. He loved sounds, he loved noises. He didn’t even notice the squishy sound of the mattress when they made love. When Erin brought it to his attention, he didn’t want to buy a new one - those things were darn expensive. Maybe he was right. It wasn’t the mattress. He had called Erin a frigid Ice Queen more than once lately, when they tried to make love, but she felt nothing. She refused Adam his fun, he got upset, they had a fight and Adam went to sleep on the couch. How did they come to this?! They were so in love four years ago… he wanted things loud and fast, and he wouldn’t slow down to hear Erin’s needs. His career was picking up and he wasn’t about to stop so she could catch up to his lifestyle.

“Adam?”

He was nowhere to be found. Everything felt frozen in time. His half-finished morning coffee. Dirty dishes in the sink. The bathroom light he forgot to turn off as usual. Something was missing, but Erin couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

Erin took out her phone. A message from Adam. She forgot about it after meeting Dustin. The message consisted of a couple of words:

It’s over. I moved to Lana’s place until the tour.

Lana was their manager. Erin had her suspicions. Now Erin saw what was missing, Adam’s stuff. There was nothing left, except a lonely black sock on the bathroom floor. She should’ve felt relieved, but Erin couldn’t help herself - she crumbled to the bathroom floor, clutching the black sock to her chest, and crying her heart out.

Their whispers burned her ears again and again.

“…yeah, no wonder he dumped her…” they murmured.

“Oh, dear! Clean up, Erin sweety! Judy, go to the bathroom and help her. It’s almost time to meet Mr. Hill,” Suzanne said looking at Erin’s washed-out mascara. She had been sobbing by her computer all morning. It was hell. Judy wasn’t much of a comfort.

“Now you can work on your career full time, right? You don’t need that toxicity in your life. Long-term relationships are definitely overrated,” she chattered casually, whilst applying make-up to Erin’s face.

“This thing is like totally tear-proof. An atomic bomb couldn’t destroy it,” Judy said and masterfully swiped the mascara brush over Erin’s eyelashes.

Erin was a wreck when she entered Dustin’s apartment. The place was unrecognizable. He obviously had been busy. Erin went straight to the couch, sat down and stared at the steam rising from the coffee cups. Dustin sat in the armchair without a word. He had no beard.

“I shaved it all off. I never liked beards,” he said and drank his coffee watching Erin carefully.

“You never leave the apartment, don’t you? What are you afraid of?” Her teary eyes stared at him stubbornly. Today she wasn’t afraid. She didn’t care.

“No that’s… not true,” for a change Dustin was the one lowering his sight and stuttering. He observed tears slide down Erin’s eyes but asked nothing.

“Come,” he said, “I’ll prove you’re wrong.” He got up and went out the apartment. Erin followed. They didn’t leave the building. There was another set of stairs, leading to the roof.

The cold daylight hurt Erin’s eyes. Dustin led her to a greenhouse. There was an actual greenhouse on the roof.

“It was my wife’s project. We rented the roof so she could grow organic herbs and vegetables. She was a cook,” Dustin said. The view from the rooftop was breath-taking.

“You come here often?” She asked. For a minute she forgot her heartache.

“Yes, I watch the sunrise every morning.”

“Wow, that must be amazing!”

“It is. It really is, Erin. Spring is the best time to be here. It’s scorching hot here in the summer, and the sun rises damn early. The winters are too cold and windy. The autumn rains make it unbearable. But spring is the best… here we go, after you!” He opened the greenhouse. It was a strange building, a custom-made glass rectangle, with a small platform in the middle, with just enough room for two armchairs and a round table in the middle. Around it, Erin saw patches and patches of green, juicy leaves and budding stems. The flowers were soon to bloom.

“Tulips!” she exclaimed.

“Yes, strangely enough, this year I felt like growing tulips,” he gave a nervous laughter, “that takes up most of my day. You can’t believe how many times I have to climb up and down the stairs to get them watered. Lily, my wife didn’t really grow anything here, it was an unfinished project. We never got the water installed,” he looked down at the soil.

“Lily was the creative type. She had hundreds of unfinished projects. That’s what… I loved and hated about her.”

“Aren’t you the creative type?” Erin asked still looking around. The place was amazing. The view through the glass walls, and the tea spot…

“No, I’m the annoying rational type. I always broke the wings of her wildest projects. Only the toughest survived,” Dustin gave a cheeky smirk. Erin smiled back; without the beard covering his face he was that charming forty-year-old from the photo.

“I hide in here when the mornings are cold, but soon it’ll be unbearably hot. Summer is hell up here. Nothing grows, of course.”

He pulled out the chair for her and sat in the other one.

“Dang, we should’ve taken the coffee with us.”

“Yes, that would’ve been nice.”

They sat in silence for a moment.

“The tulips will be in full bloom soon. I would like you to see it. Sometimes… “ he paused as if trying to remember the words, “sometimes I wish I could share with someone. Oh, no! Don’t get any ideas!” He laughed at Erin’s frightened eyes.

“The flowers, Erin! They’re beautiful. Last year I grew daffodils, the year prior it was primroses, but the lilies… the lilies never bloomed. The lilies died,” a dark shadow of grief slid over his face.

Erin remembered Adam. He wanted to share his music with Erin, but she never understood it.

“It wasn’t your fault,” said Dustin.

“What?”

“Your guy. He left?”

“How do you…?”

“I’m just observant. I’ve studied people a lot, it’s what I do as a writ… correction! It’s what I did.”

“I just… we grew apart, but I always hoped we’ll find our way back.”

“Sometimes there is no way back.”

They stared at the jagged horizon of the cityscape.

Erin couldn’t stop the tears again. At least Judy’s waterproof mascara worked. The look in Dustin’s eyes was encouraging. He didn’t ask anything. Erin got the feeling he knew everything she was about to say.

“I rented the apartment for him. It’s soundproofed. You know how hard it is to find a soundproofed place we both could afford?! And… and…” she sobbed, “and I paid most of the rent…. I… never… liked it all that much! What am I to do now?! I can’t break the contract…” Erin howled.

“I wish you wouldn’t have to go through the pain. But no good story can go without it… I mean it’s inevitable.”

Erin kept shaking and sobbing.

“I know what you need. Come!”

Erin cursed her gullible nature, but her feet already followed Dustin. He was a strange man with all his quirky remarks.

Dustin led her to the very edge of the roof.

“What would you like to scream in Adam’s face?”

“How did you know his name?” Erin’s teary eyes grew wide.

“You mentioned it, at some point, I’m sure…” Dustin shrugged nervously.

Erin was quite sure she didn’t, but he was probably right.

“Anyway, what would you like to call him?!”

“An idiot.”

“ADAM YOU’RE AN IDIOT!” Dustin yelled as loud as he could, “now your turn! Don’t hold back!”

Erin got the idea.

“ADAM YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT!”

Her voice flew over the city. It appeared the pain left her heart with every word, and she could breathe more easy.

“Was that it?” Dustin asked smiling shamelessly.

“ADAM YOU LAZY MOTHERFUCKER! HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME?!”

“And?”

“ADAM YOU WERE A TERRIBLE LOVER!”

“ADAM YOU’RE A SELFISH PIG!”

“ADAM YOUR MUSIC SUCKS!”

Erin yelled like a mad woman, wind hitting her face and tangling in her long, black hair.

“Better?” Dustin asked calmly.

“Yes,” Erin gasped, catching her breath.

“I came here to yell and cry after Lily’s death.”

“It must’ve been hell,” Erin said sympathetically, “my pain is nothing to what you went through.”

“We can never measure heartache… can we?” Dustin said, staring at his feet.

“Didn’t therapy help?”

“I never went to… to that… therapy…” Dustin began to stutter again. Erin noticed it always occurred when she mentioned leaving the apartment.

“Why not? It might have helped.”

Dustin shook his head and went back to the stairs.

“It’s cold. We should go back.”

The coffee had gone cold while they were on the roof.

“Well, I guess you’ll have to bring me another one tomorrow,” Dustin said smiling.

“I guess I will. I should be going now. I have a lot of work to do,” Erin smiled back. She remembered that she hadn’t urged him to write.

“I’ll read the books you brought. At least I’ll try,” he said hastily, while both walked to the door.

“And what about the writing? Didn’t you like doing it?”

“Like it? I loved it… but it’s not… I mean it’s not that simple. I can’t do it anymore.”

Erin nodded silently.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said.

The hours in the office flew past Erin unnoticed. After Suzanne’s daily interrogation, Erin sat by her desk, staring at the screen, and seeing only lines and lines of black-and-white pattern. She couldn’t read. Her thoughts were still on that rooftop with the greenhouse. Her only wish was to return there. Maybe see the sunrise. And the tulips. Erin wondered what colours they’d be.

The apartment greeted her with cold, indifferent silence. Funny how she always craved peace and quiet, but now that she had it, the silence suffocated her. Loneliness is like the cake that looks good before you bite into it. When in reality it tastes bitter. Erin pondered, sitting in the corner of the couch, poking ice cream with her spoon and staring at the screen of her laptop. It was Adam’s favourite - pistachio ice cream. The movie was also the one he would’ve chosen. Erin wished he’d left a shirt behind or something to wrap her lonely body into it. Maybe their love wasn’t as hot as it was four years ago, but loneliness was far worse.

She couldn’t sleep long into the night, the dark walls pressing on her. It was the hour before dawn, Erin felt like she might lose her mind. She had to get out. Every little thing in this place reminded her of Adam. All the good times and the bad times haunted her lonely hours with ghoulish intensity. It’s always easier for the one who leaves, she thought. How can you leave four years behind, just like that! Like it never happened.

She had to get out. Erin put the coat over her pyjamas, grabbed her wallet and ran out. She hailed a cab. She knew only one who would be awake in this early hour.

The button gave a buzz when she pressed it.

“Dustin? I know it’s early, I’m so sorry… I should probably leave… I’m so sorry…”

“Would you stop apologizing? Come up, Erin,” he said calmly.

He greeted her with a sympathetic smile.

“Couldn’t sleep, huh? It was to be expected. Nice pyjamas.”

“Oh, I… thanks,” she looked down on her attire. The silk pyjamas had a floral pattern all over it.

“I suppose you can join me on the roof. It will be a clear morning. I don’t have any coffee, but the tea is ready, and the tulips have begun to bloom. Come, help me with the tea.”

She nodded. Anything to keep her mind off. She took the fine porcelain teacups, while Dustin carried the teapot and a cookie jar.

It was still dark, but the bleak dawn creeped from the East. Erin was surprised to see candles burning in the greenhouse. Candles of all shapes and sizes. The setting was extremely romantic.

“It was a cold night. The candles give a lot of warmth, you know. Lily had a huge collection of candles, she loved them. I’m putting it to good use, otherwise I might have to throw them out. It was for the tulips,” Dustin said apologetically. They sat down to have tea. The morning crept slowly. They didn’t speak much. They didn’t need to. Erin felt immersed in the moment. Every sight around her was filled with mysterious, extraordinary beauty. From the candles flickering, to the half-opened tulip blossoms, to the day coming to life around them. The city rose beneath their feat, buzzing like a waking beehive. Then the sun came up, filling the sky with gold. Erin didn’t feel herself getting up with tears falling from her eyes.

“Nice, isn’t it?” He said.

Erin nodded eagerly, smiling through the tears at Dustin. The sunlight played in his hazel eyes; he was a strange creature of the light. Erin couldn’t stop looking at him in the morning sun.

“Don’t look at me, Erin! Look at the sun! Look at the city! Or the tulips. I’m probably the ugliest thing here,” he smiled. Erin disagreed wholeheartedly. He was something else. He was beautiful. Was he even human?

Erin just stood silently staring at him.

“Well, the sun is up. The tea has gone cold, and we should head inside before we freeze,” said Dustin.

“Of course, yeah,” Erin finally woke from her daydream.

“Do you want breakfast, or will you go back home?”

“Oh… yes, thank you! Breakfast would be nice.”

The real reason Erin didn’t reveal - any place was better than her and Adam’s apartment.

“Okay, the kettle is on, and the omelette is cooking. What else can I treat you with? I’m not much of a cook,” Dustin said coming out of the kitchen. He made Erin sit on the couch wrapped in blankets, because she did feel cold after their tea-and-sunrise. She sat flipping through a book and thinking. Dustin’s place was so very different from her and Adam’s apartment. Here everything was antique, every item seemed like an embrace from an old friend; it made Erin feel calm and cosy. And the books… hundreds and hundreds.

“I don’t believe you didn’t read anything in these three years,” she said.

“I didn’t.”

“There must’ve been a book to tempt you. Spill it! Which was it?” Erin asked smiling playfully. She had to smile - Dustin looked damn adorable with an apron over his pyjamas. Despite what they said, he wasn’t old at all! Not anymore, not in her eyes. He was only 45, a good, mature age for a man.

“I think the omelette is burning! One moment” and he ran off. Dustin came back with two plates of food, but before she had time to repeat her question, he went back for the tea. It was only after they’d eaten did he reply.

“Okay, don’t look at me like that. I… lied. I cheated on my no-book diet.”

“And?”

“It’s… I loved to read Greek mythology when I was a kid. And apparently, I still do, so…”

“Oh…” Erin was disappointed. She expected to be blown away by his highly intellectual choice, but…

“I know, I know, but it’s a comfort read and it’s actually so fascinating… and… well… take the story of Zeus and Danaë. He rained down on her as golden shower...”

“The old pervert,” Erin laughed.

“Yeah, Zeus was a naughty old fuck, wasn’t he?! But the golden rain… could’ve been beautiful. I mean the rain shining and gently touching her skin.”

“You’ve lived alone for too long, Dustin,” Erin teased him, “oh, I’m sorry!” She added hastily. The poor guy loved his late wife.

“No, I’m… sorry to disappoint you with my choice. You see? I’m no genius, despite of what your boss says.”

“How did you know…? Never mind. It’s an interesting choice.”

Erin felt guilty, so she asked if he would show her the book. It was a beautiful old edition of Ancient Greek mythology. They talked and talked, and Erin was full and warm, and she didn’t even notice herself slipping into a peaceful dream.

The Tears of a Tulip (3)