This is just a shitty rant about numbers
Why do writers call their work shit? Why do they share their subscriber count?
*Image taken from Canva
I know many of you will disagree with me. My goal is not to offend anyone but to share my opinion and ask uncomfortable questions.
This will not be a pity party, or a whine fest. Quite the opposite.
As usual, this jolly rant has been sparked by recurring themes I’ve noticed on Notes, and I absolutely did not piss off a bunch of people with my weak attempts at online beefin’.
Writers, storytellers, scribblers of all shapes, sizes and ages seem to have one thing in common; heightened sensitivity (especially regarding their work) and an alarming lack of confidence, which manifests itself in different forms of peculiar online behaviour.
I meant to write about two separate themes, but I discovered they’re actually connected.
The first one is the terrible tendency to diminish one’s work publicly. “Here’s a piece I wrote, it’s probably shit…” No. No, it’s not shit. If it’s shit, why do you share it? If it’s shit, why would anybody read it? Nobody wants to read “shit”! But if it’s, in fact, not a piece of shit, you shouldn’t be calling it that. Respecting your work is important. If you take your work seriously, don’t call it names. It might seem like a minor issue, but you are a wordsmith. You work with words; they are your tools. Use them wisely. Don’t turn your tools against yourself! It’s almost like a writerly suicide or self-harm at best, this masochistic tendency to speak badly of your own work in public. Yes, it might not be perfect. But do you admit it publicly? Better don’t. Yes, fake it till you make it might sound dumb, but “faking” is writers’ bread-and-butter. Pretending to be someone else is what fiction writers do, innit? So, even if you aren’t exactly thrilled about your work, don’t talk badly of it. Let the readers be the judges because it’s hard to be objective about one’s own work.
Another issue connected with the writers’ confidence is the numbers. That’s a specific Substack thing. Sharing one’s Subscriber count. Tis no secret I loathe it. Why? Yes, yes, I’m a killjoy, I’m the queen of negativity, how dare you, Kathrine, taint the joyous trend of sharing subscriber count?! Wait a minute! Hear me out, before you shit your rainbows all over me, you beautiful bunch of unicorns!
I’ve seen three cases in which people share their numbers:
◦ They have a very small number of subs, and they’re really sad about it
◦ They’ve reached some kind of a milestone and want to share their joy and thank their subs for it.
◦ They are close to reaching some kind of a milestone and want those two subs, pretty please?
Ahem… where do I start?
First - if one wants to thank the people who actually made it happen, the subscribers, the most effective way to do it is in the newsletter sent directly to them. Many subs don't use Notes regularly, so they wouldn't even see it. Secondly - sharing happiness is wonderful but consider the people desperately trying to make it on Substack, but failing. Yes, sharing numbers on Notes can inspire some, simultaneously I think it hurts even more people. Thirdly - as cruel as it may sound, the numbers are illusive and relative. Some are bots, some are family members, etc. The number of subs does not reflect the quality of writing. I've seen genius writers here with a very little sub count, and I've seen 1k substacks with very poor content (and small engagement, which seems kind of fishy).
I believe the work the writer/poet has done is the main criteria of their success. In the end, people will remember their work, not their sub count.
If there’s something called “toxic positivity” - this number-sharing tendency would be it. I think it’s kind of cruel to show off the sub numbers. The low numbers make the writer look like a beggar, while sharing the big ones still kinda is bragging.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy when a fellow stacker reaches a significant milestone. At the same time, I feel kind of strange about their motivation to share the sub number.
What does calling your work shit and sharing sub numbers have in common? It’s a question of confidence. I think in both cases it indicates the lack of confidence and self-respect. Diminishing your own work takes away the responsibility for its flaws, while sharing sub numbers is a confidence booster. Or a way to get attention/new subs. Success creates more success, right?
Yes, yes, not taking your work seriously eases the pressure of publishing, while sharing numbers is just a positive way to celebrate each subscriber, and we’re all beautiful and shiny angels! If only it was true…
Look into the cold mirror of honesty! The lack of confidence isn’t a pretty sight, I know. Ask yourself - why did you really share that number? To celebrate or to brag? Or maybe to get more subs?
These are the questions people try to avoid, because they might just reveal how greedy we really are. We are greedy, let's be clear here. Who doesn't want a bigger number of subs? I ain't gonna lie, I do. Will I share my numbers to get pity subs? Nope. Am I a confident writer? Also no. I know my writing has massive flaws. But I’m working on respecting my work and myself. And I don’t diminish the worth of my work to a number.
I stand my ground; share your work, not your numbers!
So what if I know I'm good and by getting more subscribers I feel happy that other people now know I'm good too? Arrogance is fine, right? Right?
In all seriousness, I had a book blog for years and never got anywhere. In less than a year on Substack, I have had a gazillion times more success, so it feels like my time spent writing, and the choice to pursue it online even when no one really supported me, has metaphorically paid off. I've been in the "I have no subscribers" camp for so long, that to finally have even a sliver of success is...it means a lot to me. I am no longer writing into a void and hearing other people talk about how they have built an audience here helped me decide not to quit. I don't feel (much) jealousy at other's high numbers, but rather, "That could actually be me one day." So I press on.
I love your rants- keep them coming 👍