Thanks. They’re survivors from long ago. Humans are like rats, they survived. They see these “fallen mistakes” as meat, because usually they don’t survive the fall. Most get grinded.
I felt like i was dropped, just like the clones, into a very bloody red, yet powerful, beginning. It sets the stage for the 'living mistake' to introduce himself, though just barely surviving, and only by the grace of Shamani’s arrival. It's almost like a birth? Shamani offers a small but much-needed respite from this brutal world with the line, “We do not eat living flesh.” I was particularly struck by the line “They were fertilizer for the dying earth”- a haunting, utilitarian image. On a structural note, I noticed the idea of him being a mistake is introduced in two separate places; I wonder if combining them might create a tighter, more focused effect.
I look forward to seeing a 2nd draft. I'd love to republish it on my substack once it's out, if you're okay with that? I'd link it back to your substack?
My vote? Pull out the stops and go, go, go! Clone reject fertilizer, who'd a thunk it? Shamani already sounds like an interesting character. Your horror brain sure comes up with doozies!
Yeah, you definitely got the eww vibe going. And it came from somewhere deep in your subconscious... I'm not sure if that makes you feel better or not! 😂
Suitably gruesome. Now that you have opened the door, don't be too quick to close it. I want to know what happens next, you tease!
Thank you for reading! I guess I’m delving into more of this horror then.😅
Hellishly gruesome. So these survivors are other fallen mistakes or actual survivors from long ago?
Thanks. They’re survivors from long ago. Humans are like rats, they survived. They see these “fallen mistakes” as meat, because usually they don’t survive the fall. Most get grinded.
I felt like i was dropped, just like the clones, into a very bloody red, yet powerful, beginning. It sets the stage for the 'living mistake' to introduce himself, though just barely surviving, and only by the grace of Shamani’s arrival. It's almost like a birth? Shamani offers a small but much-needed respite from this brutal world with the line, “We do not eat living flesh.” I was particularly struck by the line “They were fertilizer for the dying earth”- a haunting, utilitarian image. On a structural note, I noticed the idea of him being a mistake is introduced in two separate places; I wonder if combining them might create a tighter, more focused effect.
Thank you for reading it! 🩶Yes, I should tighten it, otherwise the story gets a bit repetitive. First draft.😅
I look forward to seeing a 2nd draft. I'd love to republish it on my substack once it's out, if you're okay with that? I'd link it back to your substack?
Okay, but first I’ll want to write all of the story, there might be 4 or 5 parts.
Beautifully written, which contrasts perfectly with the gruesomeness. Nice job!
Thank you 🩶
You have to continue this!
My vote? Pull out the stops and go, go, go! Clone reject fertilizer, who'd a thunk it? Shamani already sounds like an interesting character. Your horror brain sure comes up with doozies!
Thank you! I went ‘ewww’ after each paragraph while re-reading what I wrote there. Dunno where it came from.😂
Yeah, you definitely got the eww vibe going. And it came from somewhere deep in your subconscious... I'm not sure if that makes you feel better or not! 😂
Keep going...
Thank you for reading! 🩶
I did, here’s part 2:
https://kathrineelaine.substack.com/p/clouds-of-blood-2?r=2rhgsy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkaE237oiwE
This has definite serial potential!